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October 11th, 2007 05:24 pm
Overheard in the Prophet Offices

Ms. Skeeter, you're never going to believe this, look!

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October 6th, 2007 06:58 pm
By Niobe McGonagall, Investigative Intern

Vigilante attacks against known or suspected werewolves have increased sharply since last week's murder of Hermione Granger.  Over 20 werewolves have reported attacks ranging from verbal harassment to vandalism to physical injury.  The number is suspected to be much higher due to underreporting.

"I was doing my shopping and minding my own business when that group of hooligans came after me," said Rese Alcantra, showing off the recently healed gash on her forehead.  "I've always made sure thatI could never harm anyone during the moons; I go the the Werewolf Centre and stay in one of their warded rooms."

The Centre for Werewolf Social Services itself has also suffered from the general wizarding public's inclination towards revenge.  As of Thursday staff were still working to scrub off the anti-werewolf slogans that had been daubed on the front facade.

"We're not sure exactly how the paint was charmed, but it's resistant to all our normal magical cleaners," said Rose MacAllister,Centre Director.  "We've had to resort to Muggle methods, but thankfully they have something called 'Mr. Clean's Magic Eraser' that's working decently."

An Auror spokesperson, who declined to be identified, advised werewolves to keep a temporary low profile and report any attacks to the proper authorities.  "We've been quite busy with werewolf related crime lately," he said, "and we would appreciate if the fools in the general population would stop attacking each other and adding to our caseload!"

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October 4th, 2007 08:04 pm
Interoffice Memo exchange between Rita Skeeter and Niobe McGonagall

Have you seen the reports on the increase in attacks on werewolves?

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August 19th, 2007 01:40 pm
Sunday Cryptogram

"KPPKPPNJKSNBJ NP SDA AYSWAQA UBWQ BU XAJPBWPDNT." ~ FABWFA HAWJKWC PDKG

"JFI BCQQC HQFB BSCU SCWWKQKX QKZU? CVH USK AKXSKCX." ~CXCE QFLCH

"IJYTW JH AVLJY OJAAOL HLWA CRYLL; CHT 'AJW C WVCBLQGO WJRVA, KVLH PVJOTYLH FQ FHL QCBJOD QCOO FGA, CHT PVJTL, CHT QJRVA." ~JWWCP KCAAW

"JTY SWABY QE EWYYGQZ AM YJYWDOV XAIAVODBY." ~JTQZOM HYEEYWMQD

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July 22nd, 2007 10:57 am
Sunday Cryptogram

Note to Readers: The Sunday Cryptogram has gotten many positive reviews from our readers, so it will become a regular part of our Sunday Life! Lineup. Given yesterday's tragic events, the Prophet finds the diversion of the Cryptogram even more appropriate than ever.

“BIU NTTJ TM E SEBGTS KES ZU EHUABUN TSWP ZP E DBTAJ TM MWTXGSR FEDDGTS, ZCB TSWP BITDU XIT EAU FEDDGTSEBU BIUJDUWHUD KES EATCDU FEDDGTS GS TBIUAD.” ~ENTWM IGBWUA

“BCP HPRB BCJB OP IJD FX ZR BX HP AZDFQT JDF CPQUSNQ BXOJGF XNG SGZPDFR JDF SPQQXO UJRRPDWPGR OCX JGP IQZDWZDW BX BCP RJKP RUPIA XS FZGB OCZQP OP JGP FGZSBZDW RZFP HT RZFP BX XNG IXKKXD FXXK” ~IQJGPDIP FJGGXO

“KCKF! UJBKUXCJFF HQ MSJYU XHHI, MSJ CYMMCJ LYDMYIF GCKP! OH FJOFJ SKLJ MSJP HQ YCCF MH DHIJ OHU DKUJ EJPHOX MHXKP.” ~MSHIKF BUKP

"UFYITBDD CG DXERVBY FTU UBFWP, GCYBJBY DNTINTM FTU DNTINTM." ~ PBTYL OFUDOCYWP XCTMGBXXCO

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July 21st, 2007 10:23 pm
Wizarding Wireless Alert!

We interrupt our 30 Minute Wizarding Wireless Music Marathon to bring you more in our developing story. At approximately 8pm tonight a bomb went off in Ministry of Magic. Sources have confirmed that the Dark Mark appeared over the building at the time of the blast and that the Minister has not been harmed.

We can also confirm that shortly thereafter there was another blast at Dark Arts Museum. Significant parts of the building have been destroyed and the Dark Mark was also seen on location.

And now we go to the floos. Miss Bellinda Perriweather, I understand you were a witness to the DAM attack?

Yes, and it was awful, just awful! Loads of blokes running around in black cloaks and masks, all sinister like. I was walking down the street, minding my own business and I heard shouts coming from the DAM. Then there was a commotion with a bunch of them coming down the front steps carrying a bathtub stuffed with pieces of the exhibits. Then there was this huge explosion and it knocked me down and when I got back up all the blokes were gone and the Mark was in the air and the building was on fire and lurching to one side, all crooked like.

Oh my, Bellinda, are you all right?

I'm bleeding a bit, but I'll be fine. I just can't believe this is happening, it's like You-Know-Who is-

Yes, thank you Miss Perriweather, make sure you go to Mungo's to get that bleeding checked out. And now we go to Mr. Josiah Kruff who witnessed the bomb at the Ministry of Magic. Mr. Kruff?

Yes. I'm an undersecretary in the Minister's office. I saw him leave this evening with his personal clerk, just before 8pm. There was an explosion just after, and the Minister came running back in with orders for everyone to raise the alert.

Did the Minister appear injured in any way? Our understanding is that he was right near the blast.

He looked shocked but otherwise unharmed. And he responded quite well, if I might say so, directing all the secretaries to search the rubble for survivors and getting the aurors briefed and all.

Were there many casualties in the Ministry attack?

I saw five. I'm not at liberty to say who.

Yes, of course. Thanks for flooing us, Mr. Kruff. Keep safe tonight.

Thank you.

We now return to our 30 Minute Wizarding Wireless Music Marathon, but we will continue to follow and update our listeners on this story as it develops.

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July 21st, 2007 09:59 pm
Wizarding Wireless Alert!

We interrupt our 30 minute WW Music Marathon to bring you this breaking news bulletin! At 8pm this evening there was an explosion in the Ministry of Magic. Our sources tell us that there is one confirmed casualty and that the Minister has not been harmed.

The cause of the blast has not yet been determined. There are rumors that the mark of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named appeared after the explosion. Our attempts to obtain more information were met with a most impolite request to "Bugger off." We welcome any calls from listeners who may have seen the Dark Mark or been at the site of the explosion.

We will of course be following this story very closely over the course of the -

Voices can be heard in the background.

Shit, Jules, now the DAM's been attacked too!

What do you mean?

I mean that there's smoke and fire and blokes in dark cloaks and masks and another bloody fucking Dark Mark!

Oh dear Merlin, what's going on? Should I add it to this report?

No, we don't know enough yet. Cut to a song and give us a chance to figure out what the hell's going on.



We'll be returning with later with more developments in this ongoing story, but now we'll continue with our 30 Minute Wizarding Wireless Music Marathon!

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July 8th, 2007 08:08 pm
Sunday Cryptogram

Note to Readers: The Prophet is pleased to introduce a new piece to our already extensive lineup of Sunday brain teasers in the Life! section. The Cryptogram will be replacing the comic Dudes and Druids. In decoding the Cryptogram, be aware that the code may change on each jumble. Good luck!

"KGOIE RP EQO IGE AD YOKRBBRBK, YXE KGOIEOG RP EQO IGE AD OBCRBK." ~MIWIGXP MABK

"CYSGLM GD FACB FM CDN IUE FAMP FM CJEMCYZ NPUF BAM CPDFME HWB FGDA FM YGYP'B."
~ MEGLC KUPV

"WIJKP JUF KLFAL JLA UKY AUATDAP, KUMX KOOKPDYAP."
~LDWIJLF BJLLDKYY

"IOHV FSDAE PD DXEYBSV ARCP ACE DKYV YIVCS."
~ SOEC QYTOKLIV

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May 23rd, 2007 02:24 pm
Excerpt from the Daily Prophet agony column

Mims,

It didn't mean anything! I wasn't being unfaithful, I just wanted to see if it would be different with someone else. You know I don't have a lot of experience. But you're my one and only, I mean it. And the sale wasn't that great anyway. You didn't miss anything.

Nibs

***

Alfred,

I don't like what you're going to do this afternoon with P, but I'll have got over it by the time you get home.

Love, Klara

***

Lolo,

Please let me come home? Please? I'm sorry I said it now, and I didn't mean it. Not much, at least, and you know how I get. Please? I've gone to work in the same robes for three days now, people are starting to look at me funny.

Booboo

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May 16th, 2007 03:12 pm
Excerpt from the Daily Prophet agony column

Alfred,

Now you know why I said not the blue one. You missed a spot on your left elbow.

Love, Klara

***

Flopsy,

Never try and catch me up in one of your schemes again. I still haven't managed to get all the custard out! I don't want to speak to you again for at least a month.

Cottontail

***

Pinky,

I don't know why you read this nonsense. Still, I know you read it so I'll just say I'm sorry you're so distressed. But I really don't know what you're going on about; I haven't been ignoring you for weeks. And wailing on and on about how I warded the house against you for a month doesn't help matters when I didn't. You'd think I'd remember something like that! And you were the one to melt the ladle the Mastery Board gave me for longer service and ruin a perfectly good potion at the same time. And I'm willing to forgive you, but this other business is ridiculous. Come over if you want to, just stop crying already.

Ully

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May 12th, 2007 06:46 am
Daily Prophet – Letters to the editor

Let me just say that the Prophet has reached a new low. I can't believe what is considered news these days. Ridiculous gossip about private business has turned the Prophet from a fine Wizarding periodical to a damned circulating flyer garnished with fairy tales about important people. There is absolutely nothing to the reports that the secret recipe for Whipple's Finest Fudge was given to Aloysius Penniken of Larkstongue Confectioneries in return for sexual favours. Absolutely none! Larkstongue Confectioneries new Fantasia Fudge is a 100% original recipe.

Lane Pinken

***

My girlfriends and I would just like to let Harry Potter know we're thinking of him and his troubles, and hoping for his speedy recovery. He'll always be our hero, no matter what. And if he'd like some help, we're all trained in sensual massage. Well, Maddie is trained. She's got a certificate and all sorts of professional props and things which she would be happy to bring along. And she's taught the rest of us quite a bit. Just say the word and the five of us will drop everything!

F. Entwistle

The editor would like to remind readers that The Daily Prophet does not forward responses to these letters.

***

I really did not need to open the Daily Prophet to a detailed article about Harry Potter's broken “wand”. I sympathise with the man, but all things aside, it's hardly appropriate breakfast reading. How am I to enjoy my morning cuppa and cornflakes if this sort of thing greets my eye? And every time I thought about it I had to wince. All day I was wincing. It made work rather difficult, as you might imagine. News is news, but not so much innuendo, alright?

V. Fisker

***

All of us here at Angler's Emporium for Wizards of Nought Alley would like to say Harry Potter is still our hero, even if he's having a bit of trouble. And we greatly admire his courage in owning up to his difficulties. We'd like to extend a free shopping day to Mr Potter; everything in the shop free of charge. Anything to help a gentleman and a wizard get back on his feet again. In his honour, we've decided to hold a week long free lecture series every evening at 9pm after the shop normally closes. Starting Monday, well known industry experts will be coming in and talking about the issues men can have as well as what can be done about them. And we've moved our annual blue dot special week up to coincide. There's no need to suffer alone and ashamed! If Harry Potter can deal with this, so can you!

Robert and Randall Angler

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May 9th, 2007 11:22 pm
Memo charmed to follow Rita Skeeter

Rita, you've already delayed this story twice! It's too late to replace it with anything. I can't run white space tomorrow where this scoop of yours should be- if you don't have a re-write to me by 1am I'm running the version I have.

Barney

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May 9th, 2007 06:00 am
Excerpt from the Daily Prophet agony column

Mopsy,

The ship sails at dawn. I say, the ship sails at dawn.

Flopsy

***

Ullywully,

How could you? I thought I mattered to you, even if I did melt your commemorative gold ladle by accident. Why would you pretend? It's been more than a month and all you can say is “Hullo, Pinky”?! Like you haven't shut me out for weeks? I never thought you could be so cruel, Ully.

Yours still, Pinky

***

Alfred,

Not the blue one.

Love, Klara

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May 2nd, 2007 12:47 pm
Excerpt from the Daily Prophet agony column

Ullywully,

It's been a month! Won't you forgive me? I said I was sorry I mixed up the emetics with the spring tonics; the blue bottles all looked alike! You know I don't mean to be so silly, don't you? And I'm sure your customers were alright. No one complained, did they?

Yours ever, Pinky


***


Alfred,

The knickers in your filing cabinet are from C. in Accounting. C and R, the copy boy, were in your office before work. Might want to interoffice them back to her. Might also want to make sure T in Binding doesn't notice.

Love, Klara


***


Kissyface,

It wasn't what it looked like, I swear! He was just lacing his boots and I tripped over him and fell in his lap!

Boxy

mood: anxious

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April 25th, 2007 12:41 pm
Excerpt from the Daily Prophet agony column

Alfred,

Your manager is coming down the corridor, put down the paper!

Love, Klara

***

Princess,

I'm sorry.

Poochy

***

Ullywully,

You keep returning my letters so I peeped in your front window, and the one round the back when your wards sparked, but they were all blocked. Say you're not still angry with me? I promise I'll never let Aunt Sadie turn you into a slow worm again. Truly!

Yours ever, Pinky

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April 18th, 2007 06:17 am
Excerpt from the Daily Prophet agony column

Ullywully,

I promise never to tease you about your limited edition brass three-eyed-toad-headed ladles again. If you won't answer your floo, just please answer my owls!

Yours ever, Pinky

***

Alfred,

32 across is “antidisestablishmentarianism”. Also, your left shoe has unlaced, and you have a spot of soup on your tie.

Love, Klara

***

Hunnybuns,

I'm not coming home until your mother leaves. I mean it. Really. Not until she leaves. I've had enough.

Sincerely, Snookums

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April 11th, 2007 08:57 am
Excerpt from the Daily Prophet agony column

Precious,

Please come home.

Your little stinker

***

Ullywully,

I'm sorry I said your philosophy philtre looked like custard, though it really wasn't that bad was it? It's been a week, please answer your floo!

Yours ever, Pinky

***

Alfred,

Your lunch is under the report with the blue cover in the stack next to the biting geranium. I'm afraid the sandwich is a bit squashed. The geranium needs water.

Love, Klara

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February 10th, 2007 03:28 pm
Front page excerpt from the Appletreewick Daily Register

Mangled Corpse Shocks Local Man and Dog

Troller's Gill was the site of a gruesome discovery by Rodney Lackney (53) and his Springer spaniel, Lady, as they were out walking this morning. They found the dead body of a woman near the middle of the ravine, at the mouth of one of the small caves. “We don't usually walk to Troller's Gill this time of year, but Lady was up for it and the day was clear. Lady must have known straight off. She started whining and acting nervous the moment we entered the ravine and she was terribly upset when we came upon the body. It was horrible lying out there, not hidden by anything, clothes all torn to shreds and skin practically ripped off. I couldn't tell if it was a man or woman at first. Lady wouldn't go near it at all.”

Mr. Lackney exited Troller's Gill and contacted the Appletreewick police on his mobile, and they arrived on the scene shortly after. The police state that the body is that of an unidentified woman of indeterminate age between 30 and 60, with no clear identifying marks, and that her body was in the ravine for several days at the least. “At present, we do not have any evidence of foul play, and signs point to a large animal attack, perhaps a dog or a large cat escaped from someone's private zoo. We suggest that all persons walking out take a stick with them to ward off dogs, and try to avoid going about alone while we investigate the matter.”

Mr. Lackney, however, states “I've never seen a dog do damage like that before. Her chest was ripped open, and her skin was torn clear off. My neighbours are saying that it's the barquest, but I don't know about that.” Rumour has it that the woman was gagged with a large wad of paper, suggesting human involvement. The possibility of a large ravening beast escaped in the area is terrifying enough, but the curious reticence of the police regarding a possible vicious crime has the residents of Appletreewick, Howgill and Skyreholme suspicious and fearful.

The police, however, state that the woman was not gagged with paper, but that there were indeed torn sheets of paper found under the body, and that much of the damage to the corpse must have taken place after death and possibly by scavenging animals. They are withholding further information as their investigation proceeds, and until they have identified the woman. Anyone with possible news regarding her identity are asked to contact them. “There's nothing to be worried about. This looks like a terrible accident, not a crime. We'll know more when the coroner's report comes back, but until then just avoid walking out alone outside of town, make sure your rubbish is secured, and keep an eye on the children while they are outside. An animal is unlikely to come near the houses, but it's best to be safe.”

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December 8th, 2006 02:22 pm
Daily Prophet – letters to the editor

This whole situation is has got terribly overblown. That person in St. Mungo's is not Harry Potter. Mr. Potter couldn't be in St. Mungo's. My brother, Larry, saw him while in Atlantic City in the States, just last week. He was walking down the board walk with Stubby Boardman and they were having a lively discussion about slot machines. If anyone needs proof, my brother has a picture of them. It's a bit blurry and at a bad angle, but it's still quite clearly them.

I don't know why Mr. Potter would want to play dead and then have someone else pretend to be him in hospital. Maybe he's trying to solve some terrible plot. In which case I shouldn't really be sending this letter, should I? And Larry should destroy that picture....

Still, I feel better knowing Mr. Potter is out there watching over us. And having a good time of it too, I should think.

Morris Fine

***

I cannot believe that people are still going on about Harry Potter coming back from the dead. He wasn't dead to begin with! It's not that unheard of, is it, for someone to be kidnapped and their death faked. I just feel horrible for those others caught up in the faking of it. So many killed and injured just to make us all think he was dead! Terrible!

What I want to know is why the Ministry is so silent about who did this and why? All we know are that Death Eaters were involved, and that the exhibit at that Dark Arts Museum has been put away for safe keeping. But does this mean that someone is actually trying to bring You Know Who back? The atmosphere of silence around this whole case is very disturbing. It's like it was back in the Second War when the Ministry refused to acknowledge that he was back for years. Are we to suffer through that kind of silence again? I don't think we should permit it. The Ministry is first and foremost here to serve the people, not tell us comfortable lies while doing nothing! It's Death Eaters; we know what it's like and we need to act now!

Glinda Leaming

***

I would like to say that the apparent canonisation of Saint Potter which has gripped some people is utterly ridiculous. There's nothing miraculous about it. He's still dead and some poor fool has been made to look like him. It's a plot, I say, another plot, this time by the Ministry. And that's why his friends aren't talking and no one has seen pictures other than that one leaked to the press yesterday. And who's leaking them? Well, clearly one of the plotters!

Harry Potter is not resting comfortably at St. Mungo's. He is dead. He's passed on. The Boy Who Lived is no more. He has ceased to be. He has expired and gone to meet his maker! He's kicked the bucket, shuffled off this mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible!! He is an ex-Potter!

And my children and grandchildren can all just stop lighting candles for him and singing songs and looking at me all disappointed when I don't join in. It's disturbing, is what it is.

Philip Pilwistle

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December 1st, 2006 06:00 am
Daily Prophet – front page

The headline flashes and dances dizzyingly across the page

BOY WHO LIVED LIVES!

In a stunning turn of events, a man matching the description of Harry James Potter was brought in to St. Mungo's Hospital late last night by Aurors Ron Weasley and Draco Malfoy, and Miss Hermione Granger. The three have confirmed unequivocally to both the hospital and the MLE that the young man in question is indeed Harry Potter, believed killed in the McKirke bombing of November 5.

Nearly two weeks after the state funeral was held in his honor, Mr Potter was rushed into the Casualty ward in profoundly critical condition. He is said to be suffering from grievous bodily harm consistent with weeks of torture the likes of which have not been seen since the Second War. His injuries include curses and physical abuse of all description, acute starvation, and what appear to be repeated careless and botched healings. This last, chillingly, appears to have been done simply to keep him alive enough to torment further; clearly the senseless actions of a deranged mind. Friends and family have rushed to Mr Potter's bedside at St. Mungo's where he is expected to remain for quite some time.

Both the MLE and hospital have declined further comment regarding the circumstances of Mr Potter's kidnapping, rescue, or his current condition. The Daily Prophet has received confidential word, however, that Mr Potter was rescued from a secret Death Eater enclave in Russia in a daring frontal attack. The three heroes of the hour, Aurors Weasley and Malfoy, and Miss Granger had persevered in their belief that Mr Potter was indeed still alive despite the compelling evidence to the contrary. Their loyalty has saved him from a grisly and prolonged death at the hands of his enemies. Mr Potter is currently in a private ward under maximum security, even assuming an attack would be contemplated against the assembled war heroes sitting vigil by his sickbed.

Many questions remain unanswered by this most shocking of developments. Not the least of which is why this sudden rise in Death Eater activity, so many years now after the Second War? Our questions have been met with silence on all fronts.

Meanwhile, all of us here at the Daily Prophet wish Mr Potter a speedy and complete recovery. Our thoughts and prayers are with him.

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November 17th, 2006 07:22 am
Daily Prophet – front page

Deadly Diagon Devastation Directed by Death Eater

In a stunning turn of events, a confidential source has confirmed Death Eater involvement in the McKirke building explosion which killed 5, including First and Second War hero Harry Potter, and injured 16. Our source indicates that the MLE is currently investigating Antonin Aleksandrovich Dolohov, patriarch to the well known Russian family. While the rumours of the Dolohov family existing as a cut-throat underground international crime syndicate are clearly overblown, it is true that the family has had several known Death Eaters in its ranks, including Mr. Dolohov, and has long been of interest to the FZLSB and subject to international Auror scrutiny.

It is uncertain why the McKirke building was targeted, however Death Eater involvement strongly suggests that Harry Potter was the intended victim. We can only speculate as to why Dolohov chose to move against Mr. Potter at this time and if this indicates a new determination to remobilise Death Eater ranks. This also shines new light on the three attacks from this past Sunday, which have shaken the Wizarding World to the core. While no connection has been confirmed, it is hard to believe that such focussed, concerted attacks are not the result of the same mastermind.

In a further twist, the item in which the soul of Volemort is currently trapped is a part of the permanent collection of the Dark Arts Museum, London, the opening of which was subject to such controversy. The Prophet has learned that a nephew of Dolohov is currently employed by the museum. It is rumoured that Marcellus Pytorovich Dolohov and his uncle have had a falling out, however no one at the museum could be reached for comment.

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November 16th, 2006 11:04 am
Daily Prophet - front page

Source States “Minister Third Target”

A confidential source has divulged to the Daily Prophet that the ancestral estate of Julian Knightly, Minister of Magic, was targeted on Sunday, the same day Tiberius Ogden and Newt Scamander were viciously attacked.

Duxi Latebra, located in Yorkshire, is well known to have extensive gardens and grounds, impressive kennels, a particularly fine library, and incomparable security. The attack is believe to have come some time between the hours of 10:00 am and 12:00 pm, slicing through the powerful exterior wards and allowing the attacker or attackers unlimited access to the household. Mr. Knightly and his family were away from the property at the time. Mr. Knightly makes his home in London and his siblings are currently abroad. Disturbingly, it appears that the Minister had intended to visit the estate that morning, and was kept from doing so by a sudden and unexpected matter with Office of Foreign Affairs which required immediate attention. Our source further informed us that several of the household staff were also away due to regularly scheduled time off.

The invasion was quick and silent and successfully foiled discovery by the staff still on the premises. The perpetrator or perpetrators escaped unseen. The damage was bloody, however. The kennels housing the Minister's prize labradors were devastated, with a great many dogs torn apart. Other parts of the house were also vandalised, however nothing appears to have been stolen or specifically targeted.

The audacity of a daylight attack on our highest government official, on the same day and at approximately the same time as two other attacks on high level Ministry personnel, is more than suggestive of a link between all three. This, however, is not the first time Mr. Knightly has been the target of an assassin. Our readers will recall the public attempt on the Minister on February 3rd of last year which led to the exposure of Mr. Knightly's lycanthropy. The perpetrator in that case was never found. It is unclear if that attack was related in any way to the events of last Sunday, or indeed to the explosion at the McKirke building and the death of Harry Potter the week prior. The MLE and the Ministry have not responded to our requests for information. They have remained close lipped regarding the rash of recent attacks, neither confirming nor denying this latest development and merely remarking that investigations are ongoing.

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November 14th, 2006 09:14 am
Daily Prophet, front page

Astonishing Afternoon Attacks on Eminent Elders Addles Aurors

The MLE still has not released any information regarding the daring attacks on two high level Ministry officials last Sunday which left one dead and one barely clinging to life.

Tiberius Ogden (117), author of the 1,216 page Odgen Brief which is required reading for all aspirants to Wizengamot, and third most senior member of the Wizengamot himself, was killed in the bloody daytime attack on his home. Newt Scamander (109), well known Head of the Department of Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, recipient of the Order of Merlin (2nd class) for his work on dragons, and the author of countless resources on Magical Creatures, including a required text for all Hogwarts students, still lies in St. Mungo's in critical condition. There has been no word on who may have perpetrated these despicable crimes, whether they were in any way connected, nor what the motives may have been.

The Daily Prophet has learned that the attack on Elder Ogden's home occurred in the late morning, perhaps even while MLE representatives were holding a press conference on their other major unsolved case, the McKirke explosion. Elder Ogden was well known to be home alone intending a day of rest before leaving on a long awaited 6-day trip to Barbados for a singles cruise of the Caribbean. Elder Ogden's body was discovered many hours later by a concerned neighbour who saw that a side door was left ajar in the chilly evening air, there were no lights, and no fires had been lit. The neighbour, Mimi Craven, describes what she found as “Horrible. The most horrible thing you could ever see. He looked like a pack of wild dogs had been at him. The worst thing about it was his luncheon was out on the dining room table, not one thing disturbed. He always did like his things neat, and there was his soup and his spoon and his napkin, all just as straight as could be, while he was lying like a rag doll soaked in blood not five feet away. Oh, it gives me the jibblies just thinking of it. That poor man!”

The attack on Mr. Scamander's home has been pinpointed to a disturbingly similar time period. Porpentina Scamander, wife of the victim, had been visiting their daughter in Chelsea for several days. Mrs Scamander tells us that she had floo called her husband at approximately 10:30am to discuss their arrangements for luncheon, and he was unharmed at that time and requested his favourite pastries. She discovered the attack when she returned home at 12:30 to the sight of her husband's unconscious and battered body being guarded by their three pet kneazles, all showing signs of having been in a terrible fight and barely alive themselves. Mrs Scamander informs us that her husband had clearly been left for dead, with dreadful cuts and contusions all over his body, and blood everywhere. She speculates that the only reason he survived was his skill with emergency medical charms held over from his experiences in dragon control. Mr. Scamander has been transferred from Casualty to St. Mungo's Creature-Induced Injury ward, which gives rise to much speculation regarding who or what could have done this to him. Both the MLE and St. Mungo's have remain silent, however.

The Ministry has released a brief comment through their spokesperson. “We are greatly shocked and saddened by the attacks on Elder Ogden and Mr. Scamander, both friends and respected colleagues to many at the Ministry. Be assured that the MLE is hard at work to bring the criminals involved to justice. Our very deepest sympathy goes out to their families.”

The question remains, however, whether these disturbingly similar attacks are linked, and if they are in any way related to the explosion which killed Harry Potter a week previously. The link to the Gunpowder Plot seems far too pointed to dismiss. Is there a conspiracy to overthrow our government by some mysterious shadow organisation? The Ministry and their MLE representatives are silent on the matter.

magical_media
magical_media
Magical Media
November 12th, 2006 04:20 pm
Breaking News Report - Wizarding Wireless Network

*The Skowers Hour is interrupted*

This is Clementia Clarke with WWN news, bringing you this breaking story from St. Mungo's Hospital, London. We've just received word that Newt Scamander, Head of the Department of Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures was brought into the Casualty ward early this afternoon suffering from critical injuries. It appears that Mr. Scamander was attacked while home alone. We have no information regarding who could have perpetrated such a daring and despicable crime.

Wait, this just in. In a shocking turn of events, I have just learned that Tiberius Ogden, Wizengamot Elder and author of the Odgen Brief has been killed this afternoon in a similar attack on his home. Again, we have no further information regarding the attackers, nor any word from the MLE regarding motive or even if the two incidents are linked.

To repeat, Newt Scamander in critical condition at St. Mungo's and Tiberius Ogden killed today in seemingly random attacks. More details will be reported as we know them. This is Clementia Clark, WWN news.

magical_media
magical_media
Magical Media
November 12th, 2006 11:03 am
Live coverage – Wizarding Wireless Network

*crowd noises and incidental noise as people come and go can be heard echoing through the chamber in the background*

Quint Quigley here with the WWN News, reporting to you from the Ministry of Magic Atrium where only yesterday the funeral service was held for Harry Potter, hero of the Second War and victim of the Diagon Alley explosion a week ago today. In a moment the MLE will be holding the first press conference after the events of last Sunday which killed 5 people.

*footsteps approach, and the crowd becomes quieter*

And here they come. They are Alastor Moody, Nymphadora Tonks, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Ronald Weasley, followed by Severus Snape and Hermione Granger. Auror Tonks approaches the front of the dais....

(Tonks) Thank you for coming. One at a time, and please keep the questions on topic. First question?

(Quigley) Auror Tonks, Quint Quigley of WNN here, what progress has the MLE made in investigating the explosion which killed 5 and injured 16 at the McKirke building last Sunday?

(Tonks) As you know, this is an ongoing investigation. We cannot comment at this time.


(Heckler) Hi, I'm Wanda Heckler from the Quibbler. Mr Kingsley, is it true that Harry Potter was secretly an animagus and that at the time of the blast, he transformed into his animagus form of a gnat, but was then tragically stepped on and squashed?

(Shacklebolt) That theory is very...um, creative. However, we have no evidence to suggest that Mr Potter escaped the blast only to die from a fatal, er, squashing.

(Heckler) Is that a “no”?

(Shacklebolt) *pregnant pause as Shacklebolt gives the questioner a look*


(Ripkin) *in a nasal American accent* Flash Ripkin of the Ofta Record, this question is for Auror Tonks. Is it true that there is evidence which suggests a connection to the now defunct Death Eater organization?

(Tonks) I understand the concern when a tragedy such as this occurs, but we cannot comment one way or another at this time.


(Ckup) Mr. Weasley, Mo Ckup from The Shadow Press. What do you have to say to rumours that Mr. Potter faked his death for tax reasons?"

(Weasley) *a snarl and rustling as Ron steps forward, but is stopped by Hermione's hand on his arm.* I have nothing to say to that load of stupid shite."


(Wacker) Mr. Snape - Balin Wacker here from Quidditch Illustrated. Our fans wish to know how the tragedy will affect Hogwarts Quidditch season, and whether this will impact on Gryffindor's chances for the cup?"

(Snape) The Quidditch season? Of all the things you could ask about you choose to inquire after the state of the Quidditch season? Obviously, Wacker, your level of intelligence has not risen from the time you exploded three cauldrons at once in my classroom. Utterly unsurprising, all things considered. And as Slytherin House has won the cup for the past three years, I highly doubt Gryffindor had the slightest chance even should Professor Potter have managed not to get himself exploded. And it is Professor Snape, you twat.


(Quigley) Quint Quigley, WWN, Auror Shacklebolt, can you tell us if Sunday's explosion was related in any way to the bombings this summer?

(Shacklebolt) No, we cannot tell you if Sunday's explosion was related in any way to any bombings that may or may not have occurred this past summer.


(Fortescue) Calliope Fortescue from Divination Monthly

*long pause*

(Tonks) Do you have a question?

(Fortescue) Of course not, my dear. We already know the answer!


(Heckler) Mr Weasley, Wanda Heckler, from the Quibbler. Did Harry Potter really save the entire Hogwarts population from a horrible nargle infestation last year during the winter holidays?

(Weasley) Nargles? At the school? I don't know. Ask S... the Professor.

(Heckler) Mr Snape?

(Snape) *the glare is practically audible* That is an entirely idiotic question. No. There has not been a nargle infestation since the mid-70s and do believe me when I say I am quite aware of exactly who was responsible for that.

(Heckler) So, Mr Snape, you are confirming the existence of nargles? Thank you.

(Snape) Idiot


(Ripkin) Flash Ripkin, Ofta Record. Ms Tonks; is the Muggle Prime Minister's presence at Mr. Potter's funeral in any way connected with the terrorist attacks which the Muggles have been going on about this past six years? Could the bombings this summer have been of Muggle origin, on Wizarding targets? Could the Muggles have targeted the Wizarding saviour? He is, of course, of Muggle blood.... and Muggle upbringing....

(Tonks) We have no evidence that Muggle terrorists were involved in this case, but at this point, we are not ready to rule out any potential avenue. Any further inquiries should be take up with the Unspeakables.


(Quigley) Quint Quigley, WWN again, Auror Tonks, is there anything you can tell us regarding the investigation?

(Tonks) I can tell you that we have a larger number of our staff devoted to this investigation than to any other current investigations. I can tell you that several other people died in that explosion and so we're technically dealing with multiple cases. I can tell you that, as soon as this press conference is closed, we're all going back to those cases.


(Trask) Mr. Weasley! Melody Trask from Teen Witch! Does the death of Harry Potter mean that you and Ms. Granger are finally going to tie the knot on your tragic love story?

(Weasley) No! What's wrong with you people? *slight rustle as he, and then everyone else turns and looks at Hermione*

(Trask) Don't hold back, Mr. Weasley. Tell us how you really feel.

(Weasley) *low, and tense* How I really feel?

(Granger) *softly* Ron.

(Weasley) None of you would understand how I feel. Next question.


(Leaper) Andy Leaper of EWN, Auror Weasley, has any progress been made in discovering why Professor Potter was in such a disreputable part of town at the time of the explosion?

(Weasley) No one knows.... Yet.


(Fletcher) Amanda Fletcher from the Evening Quill, to Professor Snape, Is it true you were approached by Wizarding Alternative Press to write Harry Potter's biography?

(Snape) *a sputter* Have you lost your bloody mind? *a pause* No. I can damned well say that if anyone were to have the appalling task of putting together a biography of Potter, I would be the last person who would.... *another thoughtful pause* On the other hand, perhaps it is not an altogether unthinkable idea.


(Leaper) Leaper, from EWN again, Auror Moody, is it true that the Ministry plans to erect a Memorial to Mr. Potter at the site of the explosion?

(Moody) I'll let Auror Tonks handle this one. *small rustle as Tonks elbows Moody*

(Tonks) I have no information about any Ministry plans regarding a memorial.

*there is a sudden increase in noise from surrounding activity*


(Cyootee) Una Cyootee from the Barking Corner Press. Do you feel Harry Potter got what he deserved for stealing your boyfriend?

*profound silence in the immediate area*

(Granger) Harry was a father of my child, the partner to my best friend, and the closest thing I will have ever had to a brother. If he were here today, he could steal anything he wanted from me, and I would forgive him, without thought or hesitation. That would be what he deserved.


*footsteps as a member of the MLE approaches the dais and hands Moody a note. Moody reads it and then taps Tonks on the shoulder.*

(Tonks) Thank you, that's all. Please contact Bernice Boloco with the MLE press office with any further questions.

*sudden sharp increase in volume as the reporters wrap up*

(Quigley) And there you have it, listeners. Some information but many more questions left unanswered still. And now we return you to our regularly scheduled program, already in progress.

*music plays*