Live coverage – Wizarding Wireless Network
*crowd noises and incidental noise as people come and go can be heard echoing through the chamber in the background*
Quint Quigley here with the WWN News, reporting to you from the Ministry of Magic Atrium where only yesterday the funeral service was held for Harry Potter, hero of the Second War and victim of the Diagon Alley explosion a week ago today. In a moment the MLE will be holding the first press conference after the events of last Sunday which killed 5 people.
*footsteps approach, and the crowd becomes quieter*
And here they come. They are Alastor Moody, Nymphadora Tonks, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Ronald Weasley, followed by Severus Snape and Hermione Granger. Auror Tonks approaches the front of the dais....
(Tonks) Thank you for coming. One at a time, and please keep the questions on topic. First question?
(Quigley) Auror Tonks, Quint Quigley of WNN here, what progress has the MLE made in investigating the explosion which killed 5 and injured 16 at the McKirke building last Sunday?
(Tonks) As you know, this is an ongoing investigation. We cannot comment at this time.
(Heckler) Hi, I'm Wanda Heckler from the Quibbler. Mr Kingsley, is it true that Harry Potter was secretly an animagus and that at the time of the blast, he transformed into his animagus form of a gnat, but was then tragically stepped on and squashed?
(Shacklebolt) That theory is very...um, creative. However, we have no evidence to suggest that Mr Potter escaped the blast only to die from a fatal, er, squashing.
(Heckler) Is that a “no”?
(Shacklebolt) *pregnant pause as Shacklebolt gives the questioner a look*
(Ripkin) *in a nasal American accent* Flash Ripkin of the Ofta Record, this question is for Auror Tonks. Is it true that there is evidence which suggests a connection to the now defunct Death Eater organization?
(Tonks) I understand the concern when a tragedy such as this occurs, but we cannot comment one way or another at this time.
(Ckup) Mr. Weasley, Mo Ckup from The Shadow Press. What do you have to say to rumours that Mr. Potter faked his death for tax reasons?"
(Weasley) *a snarl and rustling as Ron steps forward, but is stopped by Hermione's hand on his arm.* I have nothing to say to that load of stupid shite."
(Wacker) Mr. Snape - Balin Wacker here from Quidditch Illustrated. Our fans wish to know how the tragedy will affect Hogwarts Quidditch season, and whether this will impact on Gryffindor's chances for the cup?"
(Snape) The Quidditch season? Of all the things you could ask about you choose to inquire after the state of the Quidditch season? Obviously, Wacker, your level of intelligence has not risen from the time you exploded three cauldrons at once in my classroom. Utterly unsurprising, all things considered. And as Slytherin House has won the cup for the past three years, I highly doubt Gryffindor had the slightest chance even should Professor Potter have managed not to get himself exploded. And it is Professor Snape, you twat.
(Quigley) Quint Quigley, WWN, Auror Shacklebolt, can you tell us if Sunday's explosion was related in any way to the bombings this summer?
(Shacklebolt) No, we cannot tell you if Sunday's explosion was related in any way to any bombings that may or may not have occurred this past summer.
(Fortescue) Calliope Fortescue from Divination Monthly
(Tonks) Do you have a question?
(Fortescue) Of course not, my dear. We already know the answer!
(Heckler) Mr Weasley, Wanda Heckler, from the Quibbler. Did Harry Potter really save the entire Hogwarts population from a horrible nargle infestation last year during the winter holidays?
(Weasley) Nargles? At the school? I don't know. Ask S... the Professor.
(Heckler) Mr Snape?
(Snape) *the glare is practically audible* That is an entirely idiotic question. No. There has not been a nargle infestation since the mid-70s and do believe me when I say I am quite aware of exactly who was responsible for that.
(Heckler) So, Mr Snape, you are confirming the existence of nargles? Thank you.
(Ripkin) Flash Ripkin, Ofta Record. Ms Tonks; is the Muggle Prime Minister's presence at Mr. Potter's funeral in any way connected with the terrorist attacks which the Muggles have been going on about this past six years? Could the bombings this summer have been of Muggle origin, on Wizarding targets? Could the Muggles have targeted the Wizarding saviour? He is, of course, of Muggle blood.... and Muggle upbringing....
(Tonks) We have no evidence that Muggle terrorists were involved in this case, but at this point, we are not ready to rule out any potential avenue. Any further inquiries should be take up with the Unspeakables.
(Quigley) Quint Quigley, WWN again, Auror Tonks, is there anything you can tell us regarding the investigation?
(Tonks) I can tell you that we have a larger number of our staff devoted to this investigation than to any other current investigations. I can tell you that several other people died in that explosion and so we're technically dealing with multiple cases. I can tell you that, as soon as this press conference is closed, we're all going back to those cases.
(Trask) Mr. Weasley! Melody Trask from Teen Witch! Does the death of Harry Potter mean that you and Ms. Granger are finally going to tie the knot on your tragic love story?
(Weasley) No! What's wrong with you people? *slight rustle as he, and then everyone else turns and looks at Hermione*
(Trask) Don't hold back, Mr. Weasley. Tell us how you really feel.
(Weasley) *low, and tense* How I really feel?
(Granger) *softly* Ron.
(Weasley) None of you would understand how I feel. Next question.
(Leaper) Andy Leaper of EWN, Auror Weasley, has any progress been made in discovering why Professor Potter was in such a disreputable part of town at the time of the explosion?
(Weasley) No one knows.... Yet.
(Fletcher) Amanda Fletcher from the Evening Quill, to Professor Snape, Is it true you were approached by Wizarding Alternative Press to write Harry Potter's biography?
(Snape) *a sputter* Have you lost your bloody mind? *a pause* No. I can damned well say that if anyone were to have the appalling task of putting together a biography of Potter, I would be the last person who would.... *another thoughtful pause* On the other hand, perhaps it is not an altogether unthinkable idea.
(Leaper) Leaper, from EWN again, Auror Moody, is it true that the Ministry plans to erect a Memorial to Mr. Potter at the site of the explosion?
(Moody) I'll let Auror Tonks handle this one. *small rustle as Tonks elbows Moody*
(Tonks) I have no information about any Ministry plans regarding a memorial.
*there is a sudden increase in noise from surrounding activity*
(Cyootee) Una Cyootee from the Barking Corner Press. Do you feel Harry Potter got what he deserved for stealing your boyfriend?
*profound silence in the immediate area*
(Granger) Harry was a father of my child, the partner to my best friend, and the closest thing I will have ever had to a brother. If he were here today, he could steal anything he wanted from me, and I would forgive him, without thought or hesitation. That would be what he deserved.
*footsteps as a member of the MLE approaches the dais and hands Moody a note. Moody reads it and then taps Tonks on the shoulder.*
(Tonks) Thank you, that's all. Please contact Bernice Boloco with the MLE press office with any further questions.
*sudden sharp increase in volume as the reporters wrap up*
(Quigley) And there you have it, listeners. Some information but many more questions left unanswered still. And now we return you to our regularly scheduled program, already in progress.